


Saving Lance

by SapphireWolf



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ace Shiro, Angst, Asexual Shiro, Genderfluid Character, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance Angst, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Pan Lance, Sadness, Self-Harm, Team Bonding, bi!lance, boy got problems, gay!keith, klance, like a bunch, writers block hits me hard yo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-21 15:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9555017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireWolf/pseuds/SapphireWolf
Summary: Lance isn't acting like himself. The paladins notice, and try to help. When one of them gets through to Lance, he starts making an effort to be happier. With someone to confide in, it's easier. But it's not until Lance starts to fall in love that true happiness comes.Indefinite hiatus but I would love to see someone else pick this up!





	1. Lance

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the rating may change throughout the story so be prepared. Alright let's strap in for this ride of emotions.

Space sucked.

Okay, so yeah, space wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t like Lance didn’t want to go to space, after all, he did sign up for a space exploration program in the hopes that one day he would be able to. The difference, though, between his dreams of space and what was actually happening was huge.

In his dreams his family knew he was leaving, and when he would be back. In his dreams, he was flying around, exploring and discovering new and beautiful planets and possibly even some kind of alien life. In his dreams he knew he would come home one day and see his family. In real life, none of that is true.

Lance doesn’t know how long it’s been since he had been on earth, since there was no real way to tell time the way humans do, but he figured that it had been almost two years.

Two years since his Mamá had hugged him and told him to be careful, since he had seen his sisters and brother and his adorable little primos. His sisters had probably grown a ton since he’s seen them, his brother was likely married by now, he was about to propose to his perfect girlfriend when Lance left, and his Mamá was probably out of her mind with worry.

Not to mention how old his primos would have gotten. His tía had given birth a month before he left, and now he’d probably never see the baby, but two years means his newest prima is a toddler now and would probably love to play in the ocean and swim and Lance was missing out on _so much_ …

And there was no exploring, either. It was all training and battle and losses and killing and war. Strategy and diplomacy replaced homework and classes, and for all Lance said he was always ready for adventure, he wasn’t sure he liked the change.

But there was no time for complaining, no time to feel sorry for himself and just cry for his missing family, he literally had to save the entire universe from fucking evil furry purple aliens, and it just felt wrong to be feeling sorry for himself when the rest of the universe was so much worse off, but he couldn’t help it.

Lance was a family man, and he was suddenly without a family.

He tried to make the best of the situation, making jokes and hanging out with the other paladins the way he used to with his sisters. But it seemed like the other paladins were never in the mood to sit down and just talk or look at the stars and make up stories.

Hunk, bless him, tried to help him by hanging around him and letting Lance follow him around the castle without too much fuss, but Lance was missing a family and as much as he loved Hunk, he wasn’t replacing an entire family.

It’s not like he was going to ask the other paladins to help him, though. Pidge’s family was missing or dead, Keith didn’t have one, and Shiro had enough on his mind.

He would ask Coran or Allura except that Allura would probably think he was being stupid and lecture him on how he had a very important job saving the universe, and both Coran and Allura’s families were dead, and that’s just plain insensitive.

Plus, Lance knew he was the least important person on board.

Shiro was the natural leader, the decision maker and what kept the younger paladins from literally murdering each other.

Keith was the wild card, and the fast and strong fighter.

Coran was a bit silly, but everyone saw him as family and he was pretty good at helping them train and bond.

Hunk was the one that held everyone together, the one who made everyone feel loved and protected and at home even when they were literally galaxies away from Earth.

Allura was the experienced Galra fighter, the strategist, and the one that made them all keep going and pushed their limits.

Pidge was the genius (not that Hunk wasn’t, but Pidge was considerably smarter - especially for their age) and everyone’s little sibling.

But what did Lance do? He annoyed the shit out of everyone on the team, was the worst pilot and fighter, and constantly got into trouble with enemy forces and needed saving.

Lance was more trouble than he was worth and he knew it. He was needed only because there was nobody else to pilot Blue.

Not that nobody else could do it, Lance didn’t know the characteristics needed to pilot Blue but he wasn’t anything special so probably anyone could pilot her, it was just that there were very few people on their side and even fewer they would trust with such a big responsibility.

But honestly, he was pretty sure that Allura could pilot Blue just the same as he could, probably even better. She was just too valuable to lose, so she stayed at the castle when they had that option.

So, yeah, with those thoughts running around his head all day, Lance wasn’t really the happiest person.

But he hid his depression behind jokes and teasing, and pretended that every insult Keith threw at him about being a shitty pilot or messing up constantly didn’t hurt.

The team didn’t need to be worried about Lance, he would be fine. The universe needed more saving than he did.

Right?


	2. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other paladins have a meeting and discuss Lance's shitty feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this chapter is basically just the other paladins talking about Lance. It felt a little un-realistic to me, but I guess this is why I tagged it lance-centric. Other paladins will have more of a part in this story than just talking about Lance, but he needs their help right now.

Forming Voltron was essential. That much was obvious to anyone, but it was also incredibly hard. It got easier as time went on, but the mind meld that had to be formed meant that all of their emotions were shared, and some of their stronger thoughts would leak through as well, but nobody knew who the thoughts or feelings belonged to. So when someone was having strong feelings, they tended to get nervous about forming Voltron, making it near impossible to do so, as the mind meld that occured had to be entirely consensual. So, when the team failed to form Voltron six times in a row, they knew something was off.

Each member of the team had their own opinions of who was stopping them from forming Voltron, but it became extremely clear when Lance didn’t tease Keith about being emotional that it was Lance.

Shiro went around the castle the next day, telling everyone but Lance that they needed to meet in the observatory (the only place Lance never went, at least to his knowledge) after dinner to talk.

“Shiro, where’s Lance?” Hunk asked, confused.

“He’s not coming to this meeting, Hunk. We need to talk about why we can’t form Voltron. I think we all know that Lance is the one stopping us, but I can’t imagine why,” Shiro said, motioning for everyone to sit down on the floor.

Pidge and Hunk glanced at each other, communicating without words. Shiro and Keith watched with amusement as Pidge appeared to be pleading with Hunk, and Hunk sighed in defeat, shrugging.

“Lance is depressed,” Hunk said, sitting down next to Shiro. Pidge nodded seriously, and sat down by Hunk, leaning their head on his shoulder.

“He has been since I’ve known the guy. He’s pretty good at hiding it, but once you know what to look for, it’s pretty easy to spot. I guess I haven’t been paying attention lately, but that’s probably the issue,” Pidge said, pulling Keith down to sit by them.

“I had no idea,” Shiro said, “what do we need to look for and how do we help?” he said, a determined set to his mouth.

Pidge and Hunk exchanged another glance. Pidge frowned, and Hunk nodded. Keith and Shiro looked at each other with confusion before shrugging. Pidge, Hunk, and Lance all somehow could communicate without words, and it confused the fuck out of everyone else.

“We don’t know why Lance is depressed or how bad it is, but I doubt we will unless he tells us himself, which I don’t see happening anytime soon. Ok, so, he tends to flirt with girls, right? When his depression gets bad, he flirts with me and Pidge more,” Hunk said seriously.

“He also makes more jokes and talks more, which I’m assuming is a distraction technique. The real tell is how he looks when he thinks you aren’t paying attention. Hunk and I are pretty good at pretending we are focused on something else while sneaking glances at him. It’s pretty weird to see, so if you decide to start doing this too, you’ve gotta be prepared. His face drops visibly and his eyes get sad and dark. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you see it you’ll know. The difference between Lance pretending to be happy and Lance not is seriously shocking,” Pidge says, making eye contact with Keith and Shiro, letting them know they were being very serious.

Keith frowned. He didn’t think this was so serious, and now that he knows he can’t help but feel horrible for all the insults he was slinging at Lance. Which, come to think of it, Lance wasn’t throwing back.

Keith remembered yesterday when he told Lance he that was a stupid cargo pilot who couldn’t fly, and Lance just nodded. He had looked down and Keith remembers seeing his face fall from the neutral expression he’d held moments before to something deeply sad. It had unsettled Keith, but he figured Lance was having a bad day and everything would be fine. Now he knew the truth.

“Are you sure you don’t have any idea why? You guys are the closest to him. You must have some idea of why he’s feeling bad, or what he feels bad about,” Keith said, desperate to help Lance after probably making him feel even worse than usual. Lance was a teammate, and he was Keith’s friend, he deserved more than the team had been giving him so far.

Pidge frowned and looked down. They looked up at the group after a few moments, and carefully looked at each of their faces, Hunk included.

“OK, maybe I do have some idea. I’m sure Hunk knows some of this, but I don’t think he’s connected some of the dots I have. I’m actually not sure if I should tell you what I think is going on, he might not want me to say,” Pidge admitted.

“It’s obviously hurting him, Pidge. I understand if you don’t want to tell us, but maybe you could tell us what you saw and noticed and not why you think anything and we can figure it out ourselves. That way you won’t have told us anything he wouldn’t want you to and we can still help him. I’ve been thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what was wrong, and I remembered some of the times when we mind-linked and I felt strong emotions that weren’t mine. Quite a few of the times the emotions were self-hatred. I think I mainly forgot about them because we usually have to fight right after mind-linking, but not only was the emotion strong enough to reach me, it was a bad one. Lance needs us, Pidge,” Shiro reasoned.

Pidge nodded, their face set in a determined frown. They would do as Shiro said, and if everyone else didn’t connect the dots, they would try and help Lance themselves.

“Ok, I’ll start with what Hunk knows. I think Lance thinks he’s not worthy enough to be in Voltron. He felt the same way at the Garrison, it has to be worse here because us becoming paladins can be passed off as an accident while he had to work to get into the Garrison. We tried telling him he belonged at the Garrison, more than most even. Lance learned to be fluent in English just so he could fit in and study there. He also has to work harder than most people for just about anything. Everyone at the Garrison knew this, so I think Lance assumed Keith, at least, knows, so I think I can tell you this. Lance has ADHD and he’s been mostly deaf in his left ear since he was born. So he’s had it pretty hard for most of his life,” Pidge said.

“Yeah, and Lance is a family guy. So not seeing his family has to be really hard for him. He has a big family, and he’s really close to all of them. He was kind of the family babysitter at home, and since his mom had to work basically all the time, he pretty much raised his little sisters and some of his cousins. It’s actually pretty sweet to see him with them, I hope you guys get to see it someday,” Hunk offered, smiling softly. His face fell suddenly, and the other paladins had a similar moment of sadness. They may never have the chance to go back to Earth, much less visit Lance’s family.

“He must feel pretty lonely up here. We do all tend to push him away because he’s being flirty or joking or something, and that can’t have helped. Ok, so that’s the stuff I think Hunk knows about. There’s more, though. Sometimes Lance has these moments where he starts scratching at his wrist really hard, making it all red and it must be pretty painful. We all know he doesn’t cut his wrists or anywhere on his legs, his outfits tend to be too revealing for us not to notice, but he wears shirts even in the water. Hunk and I have gone swimming with him a bunch before, and he has always worn a shirt. It might be nothing, but..” Pidge trailed off.

Shiro’s eyes were wide, and he looked like he was about to gag. The other paladins looked to be feeling the same way. Hunk looked like he was going to be sick at the thought of his friend feeling so bad he cut himself. Keith’s eyes were red, and he was gripping his arm tightly, fingers digging into the skin.

“Do you guys want me to continue? We can stop for now if you want,” Pidge asked.

“I hate to say, but I think we need to know more. If Lance is… cutting,” Shiro pauses and takes a deep breath, “then we need to know.”

“Ok. Well, you know how I pretended to be a guy?” Pidge asked, and after receiving confused nods, they continued.

“I used to use a binder, which makes it look like you don’t have breasts. I didn’t always have to use it, my chest is pretty small, but sometimes I would have to, and I am pretty familiar with binders and how they constrict you and stuff. Lance does way better in battle than in training, and the paladin uniforms definitely hide your chest. Also, I’ve seen Lance wear tank tops before, which he no longer does, by the way, and it looked like he was wearing something else underneath. Alone they probably don’t matter, but put together with the knowledge that you aren’t supposed to exercise with a binder on makes me draw some interesting conclusions.” Pidge sat back, hoping that they got the message across.

“Lance is a fucking idiot,” Keith spat out, interrupting Hunk and Shiro’s stunned silence. They turned to look at him, looks of shock turning into anger and confusion as they processed Keith’s words.

“Why the fuck didn’t he tell us?! We always made him work harder when he was out of breath, assuming it was because he didn’t have any stamina, but he literally was unable to fucking breathe, oh my god! That had to be like literal torture, he didn’t even complain, oh my god, what the actual fuck!” Keith shouted, his whole body convulsing as he freaked out. He felt like shit, he’d been calling Lance lazy and making Shiro make him train extra, and oh my god...

The rest of the team had obviously made similar conclusions. Pidge looked to be the most affected, tears in their eyes.

“Yeah, but you guys didn’t know! I did, or at least I had some idea, and I didn’t do anything! I should have realized, I’m literally a fucking idiot,” Pidge said, their voice small.

Shiro wrapped his arms around Pidge, comforting them. When Pidge and Keith had calmed down, he stood, helping the small green paladin up as well.  
Hunk and Keith stood, and they all exchanged glances, unsure of what to do next. Someone obviously needed to talk to Lance about this, but nobody knew what they would even say to him. None of the paladins had ever gone through what Lance is going through, they didn’t know how to relate.

Shiro thought he might be the best option here, though. The other paladins had been through a lot while working as a team and forming Voltron, but the bad experiences they had were shared experiences. Lance had been going through this alone, with no support. Shiro knew what that felt like, and decided he would be the one to talk to Lance. Keith or Pidge would be his next choices, as Keith had been a homeless orphan until Shiro’s dad adopted him, and Pidge had been pretending to be a boy in order to find their missing parents, but neither was the best at communication or comforting people, so Shiro it was.

Shiro told the other paladins that he would go talk to Lance, and left the room in search of the blue paladin. He wasn’t sure how this was going to go, but he knew Lance needed somebody and he wasn’t about to let him suffer alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it took so long but I should have a chapter up in 24 hours!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Saving Lance by SapphireWolf - Chapter 1 [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9821168) by [Ephirae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephirae/pseuds/Ephirae)




End file.
